Beginnings and Endings

Today, January 27th, marks 17 years since I started this blog. In the last 16 months, since the death of my beloved husband, my life has changed, my reading has changed, and my commitment to my blog has changed.

Early in my grief journey, I couldn’t focus enough to read. Now my reading has become solace on a lonely afternoon, or a search for new understandings of the changes happening to me, or simply an activity that I now set aside for long periods of time while I garden, go for walks, or visit with friends. I have started many books that I simply cannot finish for a variety of reasons, and so I stick with gentle reads. My reading seems to mirror the ups and downs I face each day, and as you can see from my blog silence, it is difficult for me to write posts, or review books.

I am finding new interests and projects that require the time I used to devote solely to reading and blogging. I’ve been organizing old photos, writing stories and creating slideshows and videos for my family from those old and some new memories. I am honoring these new pursuits and new parts of myself with focus and attention, and wonder where they will lead me.

I have been struggling for months to decide what to do with my blog during this time. I take beginnings very seriously, and I have a really hard time with endings. There is so much I enjoy about blogging, but I’m uncomfortable with these long silences.

So for now, I think it is best to simply announce that I will not be actively blogging for the time being. I’ll give myself some time to decide whether this will be an extended break, or whether I will retire my blog.

I love the book blogging community and hold precious the friendships made through this sharing of our love of books and reading!  So I will say a gentle goodbye for now. I will still be visiting your blogs and will still be present on social media, so I don’t plan to disappear. Please know that your support for me and this blog over the years, has meant the world to me. For your friendship, love, and support, I thank you, dear readers, from the bottom of my heart.

With deep gratitude,
Robin

Preparing to Read Tom Lake

photo from https://www.symphonyspace.org

So many of my friends and family have told me that I need to read Ann Patchett’s latest novel, Tom Lake. I agree! I’m so excited to start reading it, but I’m taking a little time to prepare for the experience. I already bought the book, and the audiobook version which is narrated by Meryl Streep, because I want to enjoy  both the written word and what I am certain will be a phenomenal audio experience. And since I heard that two stories are integral to Tom Lake, I bought a copy of Our Town, by Thornton Wilder, (since I couldn’t find my old high school copy of the play), and I downloaded a copy of The Cherry Orchard, by Anton Chekhov. I am reading those two classics first.

The anticipation is sweet! I am loving my pre-reading for this novel, and I can’t wait to start it. It is already turning out to be a great reading experience.

August Reading

The Reader, by Renoir…

Hello, dear friends. I’m checking in to give you an update on my August reading and some of the things going on in my life right now.

I am back to my reading, although my blogging isn’t back full time.  I’m still taking things one step at a time these days, and that’s not a bad way to live. But I’m happy that my focus has improved to the point that I can fully enjoy my reading again. I love my afternoon reading times, but I’ve discovered an early morning time that has also become a favorite time for reading.

August was full of pretty miserable heat and drought here in Oregon, but we finally had some rain and cooler temperatures to end the month. Also at the end of the month, I mustered up the courage to visit some dear friends in Southern Utah and had an absolutely wonderful time. It was my first trip without Byron… but since these were friends that knew Byron right from the beginning of our relationship 54 years ago, it was a very healing trip and Byron was with us in our happy memories shared.

Along with my reading, I’ve been watching as many of the Studio Ghibli films as I can. Byron really enjoyed those films, and so I’ve set up a mini film festival for myself and have had so much fun watching them. I also watched a fascinating 4-part documentary called 10 Years With Hayao Miyazaki, the brilliant imagination behind Studio Ghibli, and learned a lot about his art and his life.

So, the books I read in August:

• Tuck Everlasting, by Natalie Babbitt. Click here to read my review of this book.
• The Sound of a Wild Snail Eating, by Elizabeth Tova Bailey. Beautifully written and I loved it!
• Archer’s Quest, by Linda Sue Park.  My interest in Korea continues, and Linda Sue Park writes such enjoyable books about Korean culture and history, and about Korean American life.
• Tales From the Cafe, by Toshikazu Kawaguchi. The second in the “Before the Coffee Gets Cold” series, and I liked the stories in this second book even more than I did in the first book (which I loved).
• The Salaryman’s Wife, by Sujata Massey. I didn’t care for this very much, which was disappointing because I really like her series that took place in India in the 1920s (the first book was The Widows of Malabar Hill.)
• Two Old Women, An Alaskan Legend of Betrayal, Courage, and Survival, by Velma Wallis. This was a reread for me, a terrific story of two elderly women (who were always complaining) left behind by their tribe during a winter of severe hardship. I highly recommend this little book. It’s a treasure!

I hope your August was filled with good books, good films, and good friends, too!

Rain at the End of August…

Tuck Everlasting

In mindfulness practice, we are guided to return to our “center” when our mind wanders. That center can be the breath, or a sound to focus on, but something that will draw the mind back to the practice, to the focus of the moment. Reading children’s books does something similar for me. It centers me, and reminds me of my deep love of reading…and reminds me of who I am deep inside.

Revisiting the beautiful story, Tuck Everlasting, by Natalie Babbitt, was a gift I gave myself at the beginning of this August. This last year has been such a profound one for me, full of losses, and, in all honesty, at times I have felt that I’ve lost myself. Reading brings me back to my center. And this story especially, about life and death and the idea of living forever, was a reminder of just how precious life is…and that “Life’s got to be lived, no matter how long or short,” she said calmly. “You got to take what comes. We just go along, like everybody else, one day at a time.” 

From the Publisher:

Doomed to – or blessed with – eternal life after drinking from a magic spring, the Tuck family wanders about trying to live as inconspicuously and comfortably as they can. When ten-year-old Winnie Foster stumbles on their secret, the Tucks take her home and explain why living forever at one age is less a blessing that it might seem. Complications arise when Winnie is followed by a stranger who wants to market the spring water for a fortune.

Favorite Quotes:

“Everything’s a wheel, turning and turning, never stopping. The frogs is part of it, and the bugs, and the fish, and the wood thrush, too. And people. But never the same ones. Always coming in new, always growing and changing, and always moving on. That’s the way it’s supposed to be. That’s the way it is.”

“Don’t be afraid of death; be afraid of an unlived life. You don’t have to live forever, you just have to live.”

“I don’t want to die.”
“No,” said Tuck calmly. “Not now. Your time’s not now. But dying’s part of the wheel, right there next to being born. You can’t pick the pieces you like and leave the rest. Being part of the whole thing, that’s the blessing. But it’s passing us by us Tucks. Living’s heavy work, but off to one side, the way we are, it’s ‘useless, too. It doesn’t make sense. If I knowed how to climb back on the wheel, I’d do it in a minute. You can’t have living without dying. So you can’t call it living, what we got. We just are, we just be, like rocks beside the road.”

I loved rereading this book at this stage of my life. Through the lens of age and grief, I deeply appreciated the honesty given the ideas, and the beauty of the language expressing them. It truly is a timeless classic, and a timeless gift from the author, Natalie Babbitt,

The First Week of August

One of my all-time favorite books is Natalie Babbitt’s Tuck Everlasting. And the first paragraph in that book absolutely captures, perfectly describes, the first week of August!

The first week of August hangs at the very top of summer, the top of the live-long year, like the highest seat of a Ferris wheel when it pauses in its turning.

The weeks that come before are only a climb from balmy spring, and those that follow a drop to the chill of autumn, but the first week of August is motionless, and hot. It is curiously silent, too, with blank white dawns and glaring noons, and sunsets smeared with too much color. Often at night there is lightning, but it quivers all alone. There is no thunder, no relieving rain. These are strange and breathless days, the dog days, when people are led to do things they are sure to be sorry for after.

Don’t you agree?

A Summer of Flowers

At the garden center…

My daughter and I love to garden. I will say right off, though, that her thumb is greener than mine! She and her husband (who also loves gardening) have an amazing garden and yard! I’m always in awe of their vegetables and their abundance of beautiful flowers and shrubs. They inspire me!  After I had the dangerous oak tree removed from the back corner of our yard last fall, I found that I had a new patch of sunshine where there had always been shade. So I created my “Sunshine Garden,” a small patch for vegetables, inspired by Jamie and her husband. In the rest of the yard, I’ve focused on flowers.

Jamie’s vegetable garden…

My sunshine garden…

Whenever Jamie comes to visit me, we inevitably take a trip to the garden centers nearby. We love the inspiration we get from those trips. But in recent years, much of our gardening inspiration has also come from one particular flower farm owner and author, Erin Benzakein, of Floret Flower Farm. She and her husband, Chris, started Floret Flower Farm over 15 years ago, and they sell flower seeds to devoted followers internationally. Jamie and I love to order seeds from her!

My Floret zinnias…

My Floret amaranths…

Jamie’s Floret marigolds…

 

Erin has published three books, all of them filled with excellent information and gorgeous photography. Her husband, Chris, is the photographer and over the years has documented their flower journey and their extensive research with what must be millions of photos by now.  They are an impressive team!

 

There is also a two season Emmy-nominated documentary series about them, available on MAX or through Prime VIdeo. It is a beautifully filmed account of their experiences with beginning such a business, their struggles and successes over the years, the people they hired to help them fulfill their dream, and the phenomenal effort of all involved. I found the documentary to be very moving as well as inspirational.

Whether you are a seasoned gardener or a beginner, I urge you to check out the Floret Flower Farm website for inspiration, education (very helpful video classes!), and special sales on their wonderful and unusual flower seeds. I am sure that you, too, will become a major fan and follower of Floret Farms!

Art by Mary Englebreit…

June Reflections, 2023

July is here, and for me, summer officially starts with the 4th of July celebrations. That’s tomorrow already! So before I move on into more of my summer busy-ness, I want to take a moment and share my June with you.

I’m delighted to report that I read a number of books in June! Surprised myself, actually. “Grief brain” for me is a very real thing, and for months now my focus (especially on reading) has been scattered and my attention span minimal. So that’s why I was happily surprised when I looked at my Goodreads list of books read in June and realized I actually finished 5 books! Those quiet afternoons, after mornings filled with yard work, have been a productive and therapeutic reading time.

The five books I read in June were enjoyable and varied. Early in the month, I completed a book I’d been “reading slowly over time” (my new category for my Goodreads lists). It was a book about grief, a collection of poems and short essays written by a variety of people. The Language of Loss: Poetry and Prose for Grieving and Celebrating the Love of Your Life, edited by Barbara Abercrombie, was a lovely collection that I found very healing. It took a long time to read because I would only read one or two selections at a time, and that gave me time to really think about what was shared by other grievers.

from the publisher:

When Barbara Abercrombie’s husband died, she found the language of condolence, no matter how well intended, irritating. “My husband had not gone to a better place, as if he were on a holiday. He had not passed, like clouds overhead. He wasn’t my late husband, as if he’d missed a train. And I had not lost him, as if I’d been careless.” She yearned instead for words that acknowledged the reality of death, that spoke about the unfathomable sorrow and loneliness (and perhaps even guilt and anger), and that might even point the way toward hope and healing. She found those words in the writings gathered here. The prose and poetry in The Language of Loss follows an arc that mirrors the path of many mourners — from abject loss and feeling unmoored, to glimmers of promise and possibility, through to gratitude for the love they knew. C.S. Lewis wrote, “We read to know that we’re not alone.” These writings, which express what often feels ineffable, will accompany those who grieve, offering understanding and solace.

The other four books I read were so interesting and each deserves its own separate review. But for now, I will just say that each transported me to someplace else while giving me new insights into my own world right now here at home. That’s why I read …  and I’m so grateful to be able to spend my afternoons with good stories and wonderful talented storytellers.

My June reading:

I hope that you are all enjoying your summer reading!

Wise Words from Keanu Reeves

Happy Father’s Day, Atticus Finch

Byron

My Dad

Atticus Finch

This will be the first Father’s Day without Byron, who was a wonderful loving father and grandpa. He is deeply missed. But, his humor and his sense of fun remain with us, so there will be laughter and many smiles as the family remembers and celebrates him.

It will also be the 29th Father’s Day without my own Dad. It’s hard to believe that he’s been gone that long. He’s still so present in my everyday life! His humor, too, remains with us, and his timeless wisdom still guides us each day.

In anticipation of this Father’s Day, I asked myself who is my favorite literary father. Atticus Finch, from Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird, immediately popped into my mind. I wrote about him in a post from June 2007, when I finished listening to the audiobook version of the book, narrated by Sissy Spacek (now my all-time favorite audiobook!).

” I was captured by his intelligence and integrity, his compassion and humanity, and his complete and unconditional love for his children. He reminded me of my own father in many ways, and he must have helped set a standard for the husband I would meet and marry years later…”

I wonder…who is your favorite literary father?

Wise Words from Isak Dinesen

Time for Classics Club Spin #34

I’ve been a member of the Classics Club since 2017 and am currently working on my second list of 50 books to finish in a five year period of time. Although I haven’t been reading as much in the last year, I am slowly getting back to my books, and another Classics Club Spin is calling to me. I can’t promise that I’ll be able to finish the book that is chosen, but I think it will be nice to give it a try. Happy reading to all of you who are participating in this Spin!

This is the way the CC Spin works:

It’s easy. At your blog, before next Sunday 18th June, 2023, create a post that lists twenty books of your choice that remain “to be read” on your Classics Club list.

This is your Spin List.

You have to read one of these twenty books by the end of the spin period.

On Sunday 18th, June, we’ll post a number from 1 through 20. The challenge is to read whatever book falls under that number on your Spin List by the Sunday 6 August, 2023.

Because my reading isn’t back to full speed yet, I chose five books that I would really like to read right now from my Classics Club list, and repeated those five to make up the list of 20.

1. Beston, Henry:  The Northern Farm: A Glorious Year on a Small Maine Farm
2. Burnett, Frances Hodgson:  Little Lord Fauntleroy
3. Conrad, Pam:  My Daniel
4. Gallico, Paul:  Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris
5. Proust, Marcel:  Days of Reading
6. Beston, Henry:  The Northern Farm: A Glorious Year on a Small Maine Farm
7. Burnett, Frances Hodgson:  Little Lord Fauntleroy
8. Conrad, Pam:  My Daniel
9. Gallico, Paul:  Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris
10. Proust, Marcel:  Days of Reading
11. Beston, Henry:  The Northern Farm: A Glorious Year on a Small Maine Farm
12. Burnett, Frances Hodgson:  Little Lord Fauntleroy
13. Conrad, Pam:  My Daniel  (#13 was the chosen spin number!)
14. Gallico, Paul:  Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris
15. Proust, Marcel:  Days of Reading
16. Beston, Henry:  The Northern Farm: A Glorious Year on a Small Maine Farm
17. Burnett, Frances Hodgson:  Little Lord Fauntleroy
18. Conrad, Pam:  My Daniel
19. Gallico, Paul:  Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris
20. Proust, Marcel:  Days of Reading

Painting by Jesse Willcox Smith…

What I’ve Been Up To…

Hello, my friends. I have been missing my blog, my blogging friends, and the act of telling stories and sharing my reading! So I thought I’d stop in on this lovely Sunday afternoon and say Hi, and let you know that I’m (mostly) okay and what I’ve been up to recently.

I’m still here, and reading a little more than I was in March, but I’m actually spending more of my time outdoors with the return of sunshine to the Pacific Northwest. The yard and garden were in a terrible state of neglect from the Covid/Cancer years, so trying to “tame” it all again is a daunting job. One step at a time is my mantra. When I had the tall dangerous oak tree removed from the back corner of the yard last November, it opened up sunshine to that previously shady corner.  This spring I’ve created what I call my new “Sunshine Garden,” in that corner, and it has been a joyful project!  I planted some tomatoes, peas, beans, carrots and beets which are all happy with that sunny spot.

The new Sunshine Garden way in the back there…

I’ve also been going through our many (thousands!) of old photos, scanning old slides, organizing photo files on my computer. It’s a massive project that I am enjoying very much. Sometimes, the tears flow freely while working on that project, and sometimes  laughter and joy arrive, as well. The 54 years Byron and I spent together are well-documented with priceless photos. I just completed an eight-week bereavement class, called “Living After Loss,” run by our incredible hospice group that helped ease Byron’s end of life. We were all invited to participate in the class at about 6 months since our special person died. It was an amazing learning experience about grief, very emotional and very helpful in so many ways. The culminating project was to create a Memory Project for the final day of class. For my “Memory Project,” I created a slideshow of photos of Byron and me over those 54 years, all put together with the song, “Through the Eyes of Love.” That project, too, is a treasure now.

And as for my reading… Yes, I am able to finish some books now after a period of time when I couldn’t focus enough to read much. In April, I read What Happened to the Corbetts, by Nevil Shute, one of my favorite authors. And in May, I read Victoria Connelly’s new book, The Way to the Sea. I always enjoy her heartwarming books.

 

Once again, I want you to know how much I appreciate all of you and your kind support during this time of bereavement. I hope you are all well and happy and enjoying your summer reading!